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How did we get here

It all started in January 1990, when I got my first period. My body just hasn't been right since. This is a sad hard reality for me. I want to believe that my body is a temple of the Mother Goddess, aligned with the cycles of the Moon. The perfect vehicle for growing a child. (That's a question for another blog: how do you trust birth when your body has consistently betrayed you for so long?)

The sad, hard reality is that I bleed like I'm dying, and on a few occasions, I mean that literally. My period means 7-10 days of laying in bed, wearing baby diapers and changing them hourly, sleeping on towels or in the bathtub. During really bad months, this goes on for 14 days or longer. In between periods, I change to my menstrual cup, because while the flow does not stop for months at a time, it lightens enough to manage it with a normal menstrual products.

I've been diagnosed with various related disorders, including abnormal uterine bleeding (duh) and polycystic ovarian syndrome. I've been treated with all manner of things: birth control of various brands and compositions, metformin, red raspberry leaf, red clover infusions, vitex and false unicorn root tinctures, no meat or dairy, full fat add-cream-to-everything diet... Several gynecologists and ER docs gave recommended a hysterectomy, even.

Fast forward to last year... I had been bleeding for 7 months. I went to see a gyn recommended by my boyfriend. Dr. Estes really listened and heard me when I said that preserving my fertility is my first priority. He put me on Provera. The bleeding slowed down, but the following month, I full-on hemorrhaged. I had emergency surgery to stop the bleeding. It was terrifying, but worth it. The next month, I had a normal period. And then the bleeding started again and did not stop. Estes upped my dose of Provera, bringing it all under control.

Unfortunately, my history of depression (and likely premenstrual dysphoric disorder), combined with losing my job (for days missed during surgery and recovery) and the depression side effects of Provera, has been the perfect ingredients for depression brew. All it took was a couple of bad births after that to really make me gulp the bitter drink down and not want to leave bed ever again.

Posted via LjBeetle